A Love Poem I Wrote...

[Chase ShadowWalker]

The Eyes, Oh the Eyes!
When your beautiful eyes fall upon me,
Only a feeling of eternal bliss can be grasped!
Your Eyes, my only source of Life!
At times, your eyes are my only Meaning for Life.
Your Eyes, such delicate eyes,
They create the very feelings that flow within me!
Without your eyes, why must I live?

The Voice, such a Voice!
Upon hearing your voice,
A trance falls upon me, a divine dream, paradise!
Your Voice, so majestic,
Even the Angels of Heaven must cease their Holy Endeavor to hear you!
Your voice, so full of peace, calmness,
Hushes the clash of War, Calamity, Strife.
Lacking Ears to hear, Life would be meaningless.

Your very Presence, I must be Dreaming!
When in your presence,
You frighten away doubt, fear, depression, and amplify joy, confidence, hope!
Your Presence on Earth itself,
Cools the flames of below and illuminates the brilliance of above.
Nothing can compare to you,
Not the Most Crimson of Roses, nor the most Brimming of Bouquets!
If I lacked eyes to see you, why must I breathe?

Now, if my slew of words have left you astray,
Left you with confusion,
Or has thieved the very breath and soul from your body,
I shall bond them into a smooth phrase,
A phrase in which only a few have had the bliss to hear.
Ready? Can the soul in your body bare anymore tension?
Here it is:
I LOVE YOU!

[Michael DeathFlame]

O MY GOSH!!!! tHAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!! I wish I had 10/10, it was AWESOME!!!!!!

[-Ragnarok-]

kewl its sweet O:

[Austin Legendshade Pyromancer]

Woah! That was amazing! AWESOME job!!

[IceHeart]

It's really good. =]
I liked it.

[ArchAngel]

Great poem! I'm being super-stylistically picky here, so bear with me.

Don't use "I" so much. You can tweak your language some and come out with a phrase that flows much better. Example:

Before:
The Voice, such a Voice!
Upon hearing your voice,
I am lulled into a trance, a divine dream, paradise!
Your Voice is so majestic,
Even the Angels of Heaven must cease their Holy Endeavor to hear you!
Your voice, so full of peace, calmness,
Hushes the clash of War, Calamity, and Strife.
If I lacked Ears to hear, Life would be meaningless.

After:
The Voice, such a Voice!
Upon hearing your voice,
A trance falls upon me, a divine dream, paradise!
Your Voice is so majestic,
Even the Angels of Heaven must cease their Holy Endeavor to hear you!
Your voice, so full of peace, calmness,
Hushes the clash of War, Calamity, and Strife.
Lacking Ears to hear, Life would be meaningless.

Like I said, it's purely a style thing, and it's pretty much the only thing I would pick at. Other than that, good job being expressive and descriptive!

[battleforce373girl]

WOW! GREAT POEMS! They're just amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Espada]

wow nice peom chase shadowwalker.

[Chase ShadowWalker]

Many thanks to you all!

I just wonder what she will say when I give it to her...

[IceHeart]

Great poem! I'm being super-stylistically picky here, so bear with me.

Don't use "I" so much. You can tweak your language some and come out with a phrase that flows much better. Example:

Before:
The Voice, such a Voice!
Upon hearing your voice,
I am lulled into a trance, a divine dream, paradise!
Your Voice is so majestic,
Even the Angels of Heaven must cease their Holy Endeavor to hear you!
Your voice, so full of peace, calmness,
Hushes the clash of War, Calamity, and Strife.
If I lacked Ears to hear, Life would be meaningless.

After:
The Voice, such a Voice!
Upon hearing your voice,
A trance falls upon me, a divine dream, paradise!
Your Voice is so majestic,
Even the Angels of Heaven must cease their Holy Endeavor to hear you!
Your voice, so full of peace, calmness,
Hushes the clash of War, Calamity, and Strife.
Lacking Ears to hear, Life would be meaningless.

Like I said, it's purely a style thing, and it's pretty much the only thing I would pick at. Other than that, good job being expressive and descriptive!

I sorta agree with you, but he only used 2 I's here Which isnt that bad.
And plus it's coming from his point of view as if he were infront of a person saying this poem, so i think it's fine as it is. =]