Moonlight Melody

Over the past few years, I've begun to learn and discover a lot about myself, and grow as a person. No, I'm not perfect, but no one is. I just try to be better than I was yesterday.

Considering how dead and inactive these threads are, I doubt anyone else even remembers (or has noticed their existence in the first place), but I can't help but feel haunted by things like my Treasure Card Shop thread that I created years ago and still haven't opened. Or that Scenic Screenshot thread with very few screenshots in it. Or even the long since deader than Disco Pyromancer's Index. Or the guide.

It's in both bold and italics because I definitely took on a task far more taxing than anticipated (and I already knew it was definitely not going to be easy) and time-consuming. The Illustrated Beginner's Guide to Wizard101, that I created sometime back in around 2017-ish that is still in the middle of illustrating the tutorial, with no other progress having been made whatsoever. I feel embarrassed and ashamed; I knew I was making next to no progress with the guide, kept claiming I would fix it or find someone else to take it over, yet I never did. Why? Was I too stubborn? Was I lying to myself? Maybe I didn't know who to hand the guide over to? What was I trying to accomplish, what was I trying to really say and do?

But these particular problems with the threads don't haunt anyone else. Just me. I'm the one always thinking of them, always fearful of being considered unreliable and untrustworthy, and yet, that might not exactly be untrue. I don't know what has happened to me, because I know I used to be better at following through, if it's life, if it's my constant lack of energy, my overzealousness, a combination, other factors I might be forgetting or not even considering? I just hate feeling as though I failed everyone. I didn't even manage to stay active in groups like Pet Central for more than a month, either!

But...even with all these feelings, maybe it is time that I try to let go. Let it all fade to the wind, and scatter. Maybe I've made mistakes with my zeal, maybe I've taken on too many tasks that I wasn't capable of completing. But in the end, I can at least say I learned a lesson from it. Maybe I should stop being so gosh darn paranoid over every little thing.

I must make peace with myself. Maybe one day, maybe I'll be able to get one or so projects off the ground, and make some significant work without feeling overloaded or lethargic. But if not, then I can at least safely say I've learned a lesson from all of this. All I can do is try to learn from the past, so that it might guide my future into a better direction.

This entry is more for myself than anyone else, so if anyone else has read this, then I thank you.