Fragments of the Gem

[Deathshard]

Chapter 1: Introducing the Shards: Paragraph 1
The Deathshard, Elijah, ended up in a gloomy, dark, forest. He heard someone talking in a deep, scary voise. He went to check who was talking. He saw a big, leafless tree talking to someone. When the person talking to the tree left, Elijah went up to the tree to see if he might be of any help. He walked up to the tree and it said, "Hello young man, I am Mortis, the tree of death. What may be your name?" "Well, I dont really know said Elijah." All I remember is waking up over in that forest." As Mortis looked at Elijah, he could see he was wearing clothes that has death symbols on them. "You look like a death student," said Mortis, "you should talk to Dworgyn inside, he can tell you more about the death school." Elijah said "But I dont wanna know sbout the death school! I wanna know were the heck I'm at!" "I will help you after you have a talk with dworgyn" said Mortis. "Well, I guess I will talk to this Dworgyn guy, were is he?" Elijah said. "You can find Dworgyn in that school over there." Mortis said while pointing to a dark, evil looking school with a skull on it, tilted a little to the side with a dark cloud over it. "Looks scary," Elijah said," I like it!"

[Deathshard]

Here is the next chapter, this one is about Mythshard:

Chapter 1: Introducing the Shards: Paragraph 2
The Mythshard, Evan, ended up in a very bright forest with trees that had bright green leaves. The bark of the trees were bright brown,it kind of looks like yellow. He heard a deep, depressing voice. He turned around and saw a big tree with one big eye in the middle frowning. Most people would of ran away screaming but Mythshard liked wierd and strange things. "You must be another myth student, here becuase Cyrus didnt want to teacg you. all of the myth students come to me becuase Cyrus never wants to teach anybody" said the one eyed tree. "By the way, my name is Ivan, I am the tree of myth (but with cyrus always sending students to me you can just call me the myth professer)." Then Evan said "Cool, you are a talking one eye tree. Oh and who is this Cyrus guy and all this talk about myth? Plus how did I get here and what is here, where am I and..." "SLOW DOWN," said Ivan, " you sure have a lot of questions. How about you first start with your name?" "My name? I dont know my name? I dont know anything really ecept that I am in this forest with a talking one eyed tree with a yellow building over there. What is that building? Do I live there? and..." said Evan as Ivan interuptted him. "You sure do have alot of questions. Also, you say you dont have a name? Hmm. I got an Idea, Lets see my name is Ivan and the vowel before is E so lets make your name Evan! How you like it?" after a short silence Evan said "I love it, you know, I really like you Ivan. So now can you help me figuring out were I am and stuff and were I came from and why I am here and why..." "SLOW DOWN AGAIN," said Ivan, "How about you go to to Cyrus in the myth school over there. The myth school is the yellow building with a eyeball on it, but I dont think Cyrus would even help you but its worth a try." "Thank you Ivan, i will go check out the myth school and se if Cyrus can help me" said Evan as he walked to the door of the myth school.

[The Myth Princess]

Paragraph it and make the chapters longer. 8.5/10

[Deathshard]

I'm gonna change teh first 2 chapters into paragraphs of a chapter.

[brater8]

Good. Continue!