Confessions of a Masked Dreamer

"You'll change your mind..."

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"Oh you'll change your mind."

These were the only words to expect from my mother during a discussion about marriage. Every time I tell her that I want to be an independent woman and I don't want to have a husband, she dismisses my statement as something that a little kid would say.

But I'm not a kid. I'm in college, I know what I want to do with my life and I plan to do great things in it. And nowhere in my plans did I want to have a romantic relationship. I'm old enough to know what guys are like these days, and I'm clearly convinced that there's nothing good to expect out of them.

In my town, there's been news stories about domestic abuse and all the nice things that can happen when a relationship turns to the worst. In other words, I don't feel secure having a partner. They can be aggressive and very controlling--and I don't like anybody trying to take charge of my life. Now, I'm not saying all guys are bad, it's just the ones who can't stand not having things their own way.

And even if someone out there did truly love me, I don't have the heart to love them back. My heart is a stone, I can't feel affection for others besides family. Not even a romance film can move me. Yet I have feelings for video game/movie characters.

In conclusion, I don't want to have a partner because they will get in the way of my career goals and I don't want to risk my own safety being around them when they flip out. Then if there is that one guy who interests me, I don't know how to show my admiration without faking it...

No, mom. I already made up my mind about my future. I'm not going to abandon all my plans for a stranger who might ruin my plans and my life altogether.

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